Understanding the Heart of a Hurting Wife (Updated)

Marriage Vows Under Fire 1Written by Lanette Zavala, Author of Marriage Vows Under Fire Inspirational Love Story Series

Just like a husband, a wife has a need to actually experience the love professed to her. In most cases, demonstration of this love reaches her heart more effectively when it’s presented tenderly, verbally, and creatively over a far longer period of time than those moments during which sexual contact can occur. Her need for value can be shown in your affection, your sacrifice, and expressed interest in her intellect.

Over a period of time, usually after the honeymoon, marital problems can present themselves in various ways. Problems occur when needs aren’t met. But crises occur when these problems linger for too long or begin to form into more severe problems such as betrayal, abuse, and neglect. Genuine reconciliation can be just as challenging to grasp when a wife is hurting as it can be when a husband is shut down. But where the Lord made reconciliation a must in marriage, He made it possible in His Word.

Marriage Vows Under Fire was written from a woman’s perspective concerning a number of issues that preoccupy our hearts. The characters face in-law problems of co-dependency, infidelity, mental illness, co-habitation, domestic violence, and other issues that so many wives and single women agonize over. While the ebooks are love stories, they are also bold series of fiction reflecting our realities. Of course, life is not fictional. To deal with our problems in relationships and to minister to a hurting wife, Biblical solutions are needed:

1 – If you realize you’ve done something that has hurt your wife – whether you betrayed her trust or shut her down with a form of dominance – don’t just apologize. Express genuine sorrow. To apologize is to remove the burden of your offense from your plate in order that you can move on. But to express sorrow is to remove the burden of your offense from your spouse’s plate in order that she can move forward.

2 – On the same note of the above point, reconciliation from a problem involves more than the hurting person’s forgiveness. Have you ever heard someone make this statement? “I have already told So & So that I’m sorry. If he/she can’t forgive me, then that’s his/her problem.” This arrogant statement (or unspoken attitude) violates a passage in God’s Word.

In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus tells us, “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” (New King James Version of the Holy Bible)

Forgiveness is a dominant message when reconciliation is discussed. But there is a missing part within many of such messages on forgiveness. Biblically, reconciliation is approached from two, not one, angles that Jesus presents. Many times when we’ve offended somebody, we fail to understand the depth of our part in reconciliation because of pride we harbor and sometimes even arrogance. If one spouse harbors an unforgiving attitude while the other harbors an attitude of stubborn entitlement to forgiveness (with no intention of reaching out to ensure security within the hurting loved one’s heart), which spouse is doing the will of God? Neither.

If you see your wife battling unforgiveness, which is a sin, Galatians 6:1-2 says, “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (New King James) Help her forgive you. Don’t stick your chest out patting yourself on the back for a few moments of your effort. Even if your few moments of effort trying to reach out to her equate to a few years, what is that time compared to eternity?

Ask yourself, “What is my goal as I try to reconcile with my wife?” To get results little by little until there’s a renewal within your relationship? Or to satisfy some time limit that will sound valid enough to make you feel like you at least did try before walking away? Through reconciliation, a higher level of patience is likely required of both spouses, especially from the primary offender, which frequently exists in every troubled marriage.

Is your wife sinning if she doesn’t forgive you? Yes. But persevere. Help her out of the sin with some tenderness and demonstrations of loyalty if that’s the necessary distance to go in order to reach her. Show enduring love and don’t require from her unconditional love if yours is fragmented by stubborn entitlement.

3 – Marriage involves traveling this life’s journey together. If you and your spouse are running a partnership marathon together, and your spouse trips and falls for any number of reasons, why would you keep heading toward the finish line by leaving your spouse on the ground to agonize in that injury alone? Do you know how many onlookers would be willing to tell you, in all honesty, how much of a nincompoop you’d be for that? Not many, if at all. (People don’t like additional problems and therefore shun correcting somebody in areas where it might really matter to somebody else.) Don’t sprint toward a finish line that can only be crossed by a husband-wife team. Lift up your injured wife and let her rest her weight on you.

Well, marriage is more than a mere marathon. And injuries do occur. Those injuries can be imposed by any number of offenses. But, with God’s Word, what are you willing to do to Biblically restore security within your wife? Especially if you hMarriage Vows Under Fire 1ad something to do with her inner wounds?

In Marriage Vows Under Fire  love story series, there are characters who represent a number of couples today sitting with their lips stuck out – not to kiss but to pout. Anger has set in, betrayal has resulted in resentment, and wounds have become scars. With so many reasons to forgive and to pursue loved ones for that forgiveness, the women of Marriage Vows Under Fire resemble many of us – wives and singles.

Marriage Vows Under Fire Series 2: Tender Rivalry is the second installment in this series.

Also, consider reading:

“If our marriage survives this…”

Christian Abstinence Under Fire: How Media And Entertainment Can Attack A Pure Mind

Miranda J. Chivers’ Unequally Yoked

Miranda ChiversThrough past heartbreak and hardship, author Miranda J. Chivers found herself in a place of refuge under God with reflection on I John 4:4 (NKJV): “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He Who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”

In our interview, Miranda shared her experience that led to the making of Unequally Yoked: Staying Committed To Jesus and Your Unbelieving Spouse. And from that experience, she provides the Words she heard the Lord say to her as mentioned in her book: “Pray for your unsaved spouses. Pray for each other and their unsaved spouses. Pray together corporately, all you who have unsaved spouses. Come together and pray.”

CarrollZavala (Lanette Zavala): What motivated you to write about marriage?

Author groups often tell beginning authors, “Write about what you know.”

I’m 62 years old. I’ve had lots of trauma and drama in my life. I’ve been divorced and remarried. I’ve suffered many types of abuse. I’ve been in multiple accidents and faced death many times. I’ve suffered chronic illness, severe depression and PTSD. I’m the parent of two intellectually challenged adults.

I have so many stories to tell. The trouble I have is deciding which story to tell first and in what context.

I never planned to write about marriage. The idea came completely out of the blue during my prayer time and journaling with the Lord. One morning—during my prayer time—the suggestion to write this topic simply flowed from the keyboard.

Writing about the unequally yoked marriage was challenging. The intimate topics that I discuss in my book required digging deep inside my soul and reflecting on some very painful episodes in my past. It also demanded that I search the scriptures to understand every subject from a Biblical perspective. This stretched me spiritually and emotionally. This book helped me to become a better person and a better wife.

CarrollZavala: How does your book minister to wives?

Although I use the term “spouse” in my book, I know more women than men will be reading it. From my experience and observations, women tend to be more sensitive to the problems in their relationships and they want to improve their life. They also tend to read more self-help books. When a woman is having a problem in her marriage, she often looks for help to fix her husband or to repair the relationship.

My book is a self-help book that encourages women to improve their relationships with their husbands by examining their own spiritual life. I stress that the best thing that a woman can do for her marriage is to live a consistent Christian lifestyle and keep her eyes focused on Jesus.

To betrayed spouses?

In my book, I don’t discuss adultery in any detail. However, I do discuss the issue of pornography as a type of adultery. I also talk briefly about addictions. These are common problems faced by many couples today, but they are complicated topics that need more space than I could provide in this book.

To abused spouses?

Sadly, I’ve been both a witness to abused women and been the victim of abuse. I dedicated an entire chapter to this subject. When a woman complains about her abusive marriage, she doesn’t want to go into the graphic details of what is happening to her. She’s afraid to talk about it. Often, she’s even more afraid to get the help she needs.

In my book, I help the Christian spouse sort out the difference between abuse and persecution, and I encourage her to get help. Too often the church wants to sweep these situations under the rug. I’m calling it out.

We need to understand that abuse is a serious problem. The church needs to recognize the problem and identify the vulnerable. If the church would make a bigger effort to help those suffering, perhaps they might have better success in saving the lost.

Unfortunately, most women cannot get the help that they need within the church. Usually their only choice is to access secular support. Churches need to become more responsive and supportive for all mental health concerns.

To engaged couples?

My book encourages couples to examine their faith differences before they get married. One of my editors commented that every Christian who considers marrying someone who is not saved should read this book.

Several women have contacted me about their unequally yoked unmarried relationships. One woman broke up with her boyfriend after reading my book. It helped her to realize that their relationship was spiritually unhealthy.

CarrollZavala: How has any mentorship or ministry contributed to your insight for your book?

My fifteen years of experience as a social worker gave me insight into the emotional and practical side of human suffering. I also spent about fifteen years as a participator and leader at Al-Anon family groups and also at Celebrate Recovery. Miranda Chivers bookI’ve received years of personal counseling—both medically and spiritually— to understand myself and to get through some really tough stuff. I’ve had some wonderful people hold my hand as I’ve journeyed through those dark valleys.

Recently, I’ve been introduced to Repairing the Foundations ministry—another Christian healing ministry that I intend to explore further. I believe that as you receive insight in one area of your life, you are responsible to pass it on to others. I believe that, my job is to help others to heal as I have been helped.

CarrollZavala: What do you find that your craft of writing does for you as an author?

Writing is a cocoon of safety for me. I love to sit my computer and ignore the world while I get lost in my own thoughts. It’s my escape from reality. Writing helps me to express my ideas to the world and to God. It also helps me to sort out my own problems and gain new perspectives on situations. Mostly, I write for myself rather than for others. If other people benefit from my writing, then I feel that I’ve accomplished something special.

CarrollZavala: As a writer, how have you knowingly inspired – or currently aspire to inspire – in your readers?

I want my readers to discover their internal resilience. I want them to learn how to swim in deep waters with the supportive strength of the Holy Spirit. All Christians need to know the depth of the Father’s love and the power of the cross.

Too many Christians leave their faith at the church doorstep and don’t know how to practice it on a daily basis. They are missing so much. When we actively engage with our faith and apply it to every aspect of our life, we can discover a power that energizes and infuses us with overwhelming love. When we do that we can get through any trial.

To my unequally yoked readers—I challenge you to commit yourself completely to Jesus and allow him to guide you in your marriage. When people see Jesus in you, their life will be transformed and your life will be happier.

CarrollZavala: What upcoming events do you have – such as speaking engagements, online touring, or author appearances – that will allow your readers to hear more from you?

Becoming an author is a new experience for me. I’m excited at the opportunities that are beginning to come my way. I’m looking forward to speaking in churches and women’s faith groups in the near future.

I do have a website and I’ve started a new blog there. I blog on faith, family and writing. My website address is www.mirandajchivers.com

I have started a Facebook peer support group for persons struggling in their unequally yoked marriages. People can join that at https://www.facebook.com/groups/1985193568387251/ (Unequally Yoked Support Group).


Other author interviews include Chandra Hawthorne’s Accountable To God.

Fiction books on marriage and relationships include Nadine Keels’ Love Unfeigned and Lanette Zavala’s Marriage Vows Under Fire.

Chandra Hawthorne’s Accountable To God

In October 2017, Accountable To God was released to the market of faith-based readers aChandra Hawthorne Picnd seekers. Chandra Hawthorne shared with me her experience as a writer and author of her new release. “The journey of holy living is not impossible,” she pointed out for those interested in the path she maps out in her book. “Keep Christ as your focus, and you will be successful. ”

CarrollZavala (Lanette Zavala): What motivated you to write?

Chandra: I’ve been motivated to write since I was a child. I had so many thoughts and opinions that I wasn’t verbally able to communicate. Children were not encouraged to speak their minds too often when I was growing up. So, journaling and story-telling was my outlet. Writing helped me become a better communicator.  As time went on I would write to inspire and encourage others.

As for this book, I was motivated to write it because of a counterfeit healing ministry that I saw on television one afternoon.  People who were hearing impaired, filled the lines in hope of being instantaneously healed through the ministry of this one Pastor.  Something in my spirit told me that he was not authentic and that those people would not receive what they were expecting in that moment. My heart ached. I knew that God was more than able to heal them. But the vessel who was “being used” was not called by God. I was so hurt for those people, who had a need and believed. I prayed and began writing this book.

CarrollZavala: How does your book minister to various groups among believers? Among wives? Among single women? Among teenage girls? Among men?

Chandra: Accountable To God  ministers to anyone with a soul. We all are born with a void that  only our Creator can fill.  We all want to know our purpose and how to fulfill it.  We have prayers that we want answers to.

For Singles. There is sometimes confusion about how faith works in the light of seemingly unanswered  prayers.  If you’ve been single for a while, and desire marriage you may want to know why God is allowing your  life to take this path. You may want to know how to stay focused on God during your single years.  Accountable to God will reveal this to you.

For The Married. If you are a wife you may want to understand how to fulfill your calling in Christ while trying to cater to a husband and children. Spending time with God will reveal these parallel paths.

For Youth And Young Adults. If you are a teenage girl or young adult woman in Christ, there is encouragement in the area of morality and modesty. I was saved at the age of 18; so, I give several accounts of what I experienced  at the beginning of my journey is in Accountable to God. Despite what other girls my age were doing, God was able to keep me focused on Him.

For Men. This book will encourage men to lead by example, allowing them to model to their families what accountability to God looks like.

For Backsliders And Unbelievers. This book will also minister to backsliders and non-believers. Many become atheist because they don’t understand God. They don’t understand why God would allow certain things to happen. Backsliders give up on God because, in their eyes, this “faith stuff” isn’t working for them. I encourage people to gift this book to anyone they’d love to witness to, and to lost sheep who could use help finding their way back to a healthy relationship with the Father.

CarrollZavala: How has any mentorship or ministry contributed to your insight for your book?

Chandra: In 1993, I was saved under a ministry that believed and practiced authentic godly living.  Hypocrisy and the sin-repent-sin cycle was not tolerated.  Repentance and rededication of our lives was encouraged to keep the lines of communication open with God.  Our co-pastor at the time eventually became my mother in law.  I saw first hand her love and dedication to God, His Word, and His people. She loved God so much and constantly preached faith in Him no matter what she faced. She was sold out to God, and I admired her so much for that.

CarrollZavala: What does your craft of writing offer to you as an author – whether as a form of retreat, as therapy, as career aspiration or other?

Chandra: Writing is definitely therapy for me.  It forces me to sit down, be quiet, and hear God.   Writing offers me insight and clarity in many matters, primarily Scripture and faith.  After being enlightened by God during  my writing  sessions, I often find that it may help others. I sometimes share what I’ve come to understand through blogging. I love to encourage others. This makes me feel fruitful! This definitely reassures me that  I am walking in my calling. Also, writing is certainly a career aspiration of mine. Who wouldn’t want to make a living doing what they love!

CarrollZavala: As a writer, how have you knowingly inspired – or currently aspire to inspire – your readers?

Chandra: People don’t always come back to tell you that your written words have inspired them. So when you do hear anything, it’s like food for the soul! People have told me that it encourages them to  read the bible and study it more. I’ve also heard that my writing has given them a new way to view the subject discussed, and has caused them to reflect on their personal relationship with God.  I’ve been a blogger for many years.  Some readers have thanked me for inspiring and encouraging them.  Many will say that they can relate to a shared experience.

With this  new book, Accountable to God, I’ve already had a few readers tell me how good it is, and how much they can relate. One man shared that he’s had several of the same experiences that I shared in the book.

CarrollZavala: What upcoming events do you have – such as speaking engagements, online touring, or author appearances – that will allow your readers to hear more from you?

Chandra: My book released last month, and I am in the midst of preparing  a book launch sometime this month. I don’t have hard dates yet. I will post the dates of the book launch as well as any other related events to my Facebook page. Readers can currently follow me on Facebook by searching @AuthorChandra. I also have a Facebook Group for active readers called, Accountable to God: The Book. I also have a blog that readers can follow:




Other Book Previews Available:

Yella’s Prayers: A Novel by Nadine C. Keels


Marriage Vows Under Fire by Lanette Zavala


The Power of Collectivity


The Power of Collectivity is a motivational book about the importance of working together as a family, church, group or company in achieving goals. Collectivity overcomes stagnation. It comes in handy in a society full of materialistic and individualistic tendencies. Readers will find help via scriptures on how they can become relevant in groups, overcome problematic tendencies and discover the benefits of collectivity. With all this in mind, Brian Sigauke explains that a people still can be useful in groups without losing individuality or identity.


Blog: www.briannsigauke.wordpress.com
Email: briansigauke@yahoo.com
Author page: https://m.facebook.com/Brian-N-Sigauke
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/NgoniSiga

Other book previews include:

Nadine C. Keel’s The Movement of Crowns, available on Amazon.com


Lanette Zavala’s Marriage Vows Under Fire, available on Amazon.com.

“Be Careful Who You Disrespect”


Rose Goff is a Houston playwright of Christian Comedy, which has entertained an audience and following that has grown to 300 plus. For this, she gives glory to God.

“I have a concrete professional cast.” Rose herself started acting in plays over 10 years ago at Missouri City Baptist Church. Within the past four years, she began writing and directing plays performed at the Stafford Civic Center.

Promotion of Rose’s plays can be found on Facebook.

Her latest venture, “Be Careful Who You Disrespect”, is set to perform on April 28 and 29, 2018. Additional promotions with further details and ticket information are scheduled to be available on February 1, 2018.

Venue Location:

Missouri City Multipurpose Center

16816 Quail Park Drive

Missouri City, Texas 77489


Book previews available include:

Nadine C. Keel’s The Movement of Crowns, available on Amazon.com


Lanette Zavala’s Marriage Vows Under Fire, available on Amazon.com.

Yella’s Prayers: A Novel

Keels 2

She awoke with a gasp, sitting up. “God? Was that You?”

A pivotal year awaits Bless, a young woman who hides her passion: her music. She’s not exactly friends with T’meal, a talented athlete who won’t explain why he’s passed up the chance of a lifetime. Nor is Bless too close to Lamall, a boisterous playboy with a broken private life that’s spiraling out of control.

But Bless knows she’s meant to help these two young men. She can’t deny the Voice that told her so.

A coming of age story of compassion, the awakening of love, and knowing when it’s time to step out of the shadows and shine.

Yella’s Prayers is available on Amazon.com.


Other book previews available include:

Brian N. Sigauke’s The Power of Collectivity, available on Amazon.com


Lanette Zavala’s Marriage Vows Under Fire, available on Amazon.com.

The Movement of Crowns


The Movement of Crowns is the first in the Movement of Crowns Series.

Is it the perfect or the worst time for the kingdom to…change?
The nation of Diachona rejoices as the king’s daughter and heir, Constance, turns twenty. Yet, not everyone approves of Constance’s desire to sit on the National Council: a Council run solely by men.

What’s more, oppressive threats from a neighboring, powerful empire are rousing the people’s fears. Amid rumors of war and personal doubts about her future, Constance suspects that her growing love for one Commander Alexander may be ill-timed. Especially if this is the end of the kingdom as they know it…


Other book previews available include:

Brian N. Sigauke’s The Power of Collectivity, available on Amazon.com


Lanette Zavala’s Marriage Vows Under Fire, available on Amazon.com.